My premise is that our dialogue within the Episcopal Church about the acceptability of the gay and lesbian lifestyle has effectively ended. But permit me to begin with two memories, one recent and one long ago.

Last season, our hometown National Football League team, the Jacksonville Jaguars, made a remarkable comeback. Without reciting the details, which we Jaguar fans know by heart and the rest of the world does not care to know, suffice it to say that we were a few plays away from making it to the Super Bowl. But the plays did not work, the clock ran out, and we lost. My 7-year-old son went into shock, and cried out, "We can't lose!" We spent a good part of the evening explaining that such things happen, and were able eventually to convince him that, yes, much as we had hoped otherwise, our team had lost. But the power of denial was strong, even in a 7-year-old.

My second memory is of a poster I saw in a Christian coffeehouse in the early '70s. The message was simple and to the point: "Not to decide is to decide." The poster attributed the words to Harvey Cox, although I have no easy way of checking their source now.

Let me come to the point. As someone who was very much in the fray at Philadelphia, I believe that despite all of our efforts to the contrary, we on the traditional/conservative side "lost" on the sexuality issues at General Convention. True, we had some great plays, including the defeats of resolutions to prepare rites for same-sex blessings and to provide pension benefits for same-sex couples.

But we lost nevertheless. The fact is that our Presiding Bishop-elect Frank Griswold has ordained non-celibate homosexual clergy. The majorities in the House of Bishops and the House of Deputies did not believe that this fact should prevent his election.

And again General Convention was unable to pass any canonical prohibition of clergy sexual relations outside of heterosexual marriage. In the wake of the Righter decision, it now must be clearly seen that our church does not have any policy opposing the ordination of practicing homosexual persons. And while the development of rites for same-sex blessings was not authorized, testimonies abounded at convention that many such blessings are already taking place throughout the church.

While some may argue that we did not change our official position on sexuality, in reality we have proved the poster's message. By not deciding to prohibit homosexual conduct by clergy, by not deciding to let Bishop Griswold's past practice prevent his election, by not deciding to constrain priests who bless samesex couples, we have indeed decided.

There is no turning back. The Episcopal Church as it now stands permits gays and lesbians to be ordained, and their samesex relationships to be blessed. Apart from the policies of a handful of dioceses, there is nothing on the books to stop such practices in the future. In fact, were we to change our direction at a later date, we could well be sued by any gay or lesbian clergyperson whose job might be threatened by such a reversal.

Like my son discovered after that very close football game, much as we conservatives might wish to deny it, we lost. For all intents and purposes, the dialogue on homosexuality has ended. De facto has overcome de jure. There is not much more to talk about. The major questions remaining are, can we conservatives accommodate ourselves to this new reality? and how will the rest of the Anglican Communion react to it?

The Rev. Neil G. Lebhar is rector of Church of the Redeemer, Jacksonville, Fla.