I first saw Canterbury Cathedral 34 years ago, on leave from my post with the U.S. Army in Frankfurt, but more importantly, recently converted and newly confirmed! Having taken a ferry, along with my pearly-white VW bug, across the channel to Dover, we docked at dawn, when the rising sun makes the white cliffs truly white. Exuberant with Anglican fervor, I drove directly to Canterbury, arriving there for the beginning of the liturgy for the ordination of 10 deacons. I was truly at the heart of every Anglican's "Holy Land." Now, in 1998, my journey to Canterbury is in another capacity - one I would have never imagined in 1964. Even now that reality takes my breath.

Arrived at London (Gatwick Airport) at 6:28 a.m. Customs, baggage; then, thanks to directions from a friendly deacon from Western Louisiana, I found the train, lugging three awkward and heavy cases. Fortunately, an immediate departure via Victoria Station gets me to my destination in two hours. Along the way the countryside produces mental images of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, and I vow to re-read it. Deposited on a Canterbury sidewalk with all that luggage and no reservations for the next two days, my mood changed and I swore to fire my Diocesan House staff for failing to anticipate my needs! A helpful taxi driver made suggestions, including The House of Agnes (of Charles Dickens fame), so off we drove. The choice was such a quaint and delightful success I mentally congratulated my staff for not pre-guessing my preference and thus denying me this adventure. The room not ready, I deposited my luggage and struck out to explore. A visit to St. Dunstan's Church provided an opportunity for prayers for our Communion and the conference.

Breakfast at the Inn with a group of German youngsters. Another walk around town - heard almost every language except English; located a tea pot decorated with figures of Henry VIII and his six wives (wonderful tongue-in-cheek trophy for diocesan clergy events!). Returned to the inn to do my homework for Lambeth - well, some of it - launching into the Virginia Report. Nap. Dinner and a walk, encountering more bishops, including Africans. More homework. To bed, but awoke at 11, so back to the Virginia Report; I conclude this journal entry at 2:45 a.m. Ah, to get my body on a schedule compatible with local daylight/darkness.

Today a "cooked English breakfast," then off to Eliot College, my Lambeth "home," one of the schools of the University of Kent. Skipped lunch to complete the Virginia Report; then read straight through 2 Corinthians, the basis for our daily Bible study. Ah, yes, another nap, prior to reconnoitering the area. At dinner, encountered Bishop Ed Salmon (South Carolina - the lower diocese!). We were quickly joined, to my great thrill, by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Said he, upon approaching us, "Ah, I'm sitting with my two very good friends." It was impossible that he could have remembered me, but the line delighted me so that I vowed to use it often. He seems much too comfortable, I thought, for someone about to preside over one of the most important events of his life.

At 8:15 a.m. we board buses for Canterbury Cathedral. "Don't forget your invitations and your passes, or your participation will be limited to watching the 10 p.m. news," we are told. "The security is very tight." At the cathedral, no one asks for either invitation or pass. "American bishops queue up to the far left" - some of us wince. The procession takes 40 minutes; immersed in its polychrome splendor I wax nostalgic about the first time I entered this nave, ponder the significance of my involvement with these people of holiness and importance, and realize that I will be an arm's length from the Prince of Wales.

Holy Eucharist at 7:15 a.m., our schedule daily, except for major holy days (the bishops of the Church in Wales lead today's liturgy). Breakfast follows, then Morning Prayer and Bible study (also daily); this will be my first working encounter with English bishops, and their reputation for brilliance intimidates me. I recall my promise not to embarrass the people at home. Today's main event is the archbishop's presidential address, entitled "Transformation and Renewal." Echoing the question posed prior to the first Lambeth Conference in l867 and by the press in 1998, he opens with a statement of "the point of it" (the conference itself): that God makes all things new. I hope the people of Upper South Carolina and all the people of the Anglican Communion will read, and heed, this address.

It is in the daily sessions of the Bible study/prayer group that I find myself consistently touched ... moved ... taught ... inspired. Our group of 10 includes one bishop from Canada, two from England, two Africans, two Latin Americans (Mexico and Venezuela), a West Indian, and two from the U.S. "Leadership Under Pressure" is the theme, 2 Corinthians our text. Today we are asked "to recall any experiences of God's comfort through suffering" and, "How can leaders learn not just to give but to accept and receive comfort and encouragement...?" An African bishop (I withhold his name lest danger persist) recalls the invasion of his home by government "henchmen"; his life was saved because his neighbors responded to his roof-top calls for help; "A leader's medals," he says, "are abuse and rumor-mongering."

Yesterday's corporate event was "The Bible, the World and the Church." Archbishop Carey, in a video with other bishops, noted "two horizons": the Bible as it was written, and understanding how to relate it to today. The Bishop of Ely emphasized the importance of attentiveness to God's word in the Bible and the necessity to debate the interpretation of it. A live drama, "Wrestling with Angels," continues the theme. The dramatic wrestling of Esau with his own conscience, with Jacob, with God ("Save me from my own deservings"), shifts to New Testament scenes. The sticks with which the actors had been battling became the cross ... are then transformed into weapons with which Christ's followers pound one another - for righteousness? - then into configurations representing structures. A voice speaks: "Sticks can be used for fighting - or for building." Actors move into the audience to exchange the Peace; tears spill over ...

I find myself becoming more and more related, directly and indirectly through the testimony of others, to 2 Corinthians and Paul's leadership under the pressure of rumor, criticism, controversy and condemnation. Where death is prescribed for both baptizer and baptized, what does the faithful Christian do? A bishop from Sudan, recalling murderous horror within his own family, describes a society of violence created by 32 years of civil war. From other conversations this week I know that Third World bishops are convinced that the failure of Lambeth to produce an anti-homosexual statement will bring to them and to their people at home additional violence at the hands of fundamentalist Muslims. A video asks, "Will the Church help show the way forward?"

Each bishop has been assigned to one of four sections of primary focus for the conference; several topics of Section 3, my assignment, fall under the category, "Called to be faithful in a plural world." Since Monday we have participated in six such sessions; for three of them I reluctantly served as convenor of a sub-group studying "subsidiarity," the principle that "a central authority should have a subsidiary function, performing only those tasks which cannot be performed at a more intermediate or local level." This is particularly interesting; although we did not know its name, the concept has partially guided us in restructuring our diocese. (Additionally, it seems to be an appropriate response to Cardinal Cassidy, who earlier this week held out the papacy as an effective symbol of unity and authority.)

I awoke with exhaustion this morning, but at the end of the day I have a second wind. Revitalization began at the Holy Eucharist for the Feast of St. James, celebrated by bishops of Papua New Guinea, in Pidgin English, which was not only holy but great fun! Citing the death of a local hero of the church, the preacher urged steadfastness in the faith for which the martyrs shed their blood; his reference to sexuality issues is clear, but were not those lives given to a faith which includes a response to Jesus' call to follow the Holy Spirit into all truth? My recovery from exhaustion continued in the work of the afternoon: 25 or 30 bishops from around the world working on draft resolutions which come out of the work and concerns of Section 3. I catch a bus for a downtown reunion dinner with the episcopal consecration "Class of '95" with a light heart and new energy.

Today the schedule is easier. Holy Eucharist is celebrated at 10 a.m. by the Church of Aotearoa, New Zealand and Polynesia. The sermon begins with a reference to the collect of the day, which noted our unity and our diversity. After a humorous recapitulation of the events of this orientation week, the preacher reminds us of the message of the opening hymn: "Be still, and know that I am God." (I am blessed to be one of many chalice-bearers.) I depart St. Augustine Chapel to return to Eliot College, wondering what progress we have made in reformation and renewal of (1) our vision; (2) our Church; (3) our mission; (4) our selves ... "Be still, and know that I am God". Hmmm ... God help us!

The Rt. Rev. Dorsey F. Henderson Jr. is the Bishop of Upper South Carolina.