A few humorous items gleaned from a variety of sources:

From "Episcopal Humor" on the website of St. Philip's Church, Circleville, Ohio:

A priest, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards, the priest asked the man where he had gone. "I went to get a haircut," the man replied. "But," said the priest, "why didn't you do that before the service?" "Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."

A priest asked a first grade Sunday school class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"

After church, a little boy told the priest, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." The priest replied, "Well, thank you, but why?" To which the boy answered, "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest priests we've ever had."

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From the newsletter of St. Paul's Church, Beloit, Wis.:

It may be that Anglicans know their prayer book too well: The priest had just started the Sursum Corda when a woman fainted. This is the liturgy as it occurred in that church:

Priest: Lift up your hearts.

People: We lift them up unto the Lord.

Priest: Would one of the ushers help that woman?

People: It is meet and right so to do.

On another occasion the same priest was checking the microphone.

Priest: Something is wrong with this microphone.

People: And also with you.

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An announcement inserted into the newsletter of St. Michael's Church, Bristol, R.I.:

"Please note change!!! The cookout scheduled for June 24, 2001 following the 10:00 a.m. service at Independence Park has been canceled due to the fact that the 4th of July Ecumenical Service is being held at St. Mary's Church at 12 noon the same day."

Subscribers to the Anglican Music List enjoyed a message from Evelyn Rowe, who recounted an item written by syndicated humor columnist Dave Barry, recounting how at St. Stephen's Church in Armonk, N.Y., on Easter Day people were handed a potted hyacinth at the door. At each "Alleluia" in the hymns, Barry claimed, people hoisted the potted plants over their heads. He concluded the story with "Think about this the next time someone tells you Episcopalians never really get loose.

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From the "Signs and Blunders" page of my favorite website, Ship of Fools:

"Mary Stolzenbach writes from Tennessee: The '70s and '80s were a great time of experimentation with Anglican liturgies and there were many temporary pew books. It was in one such place, not long after our former rector, whose name was Chris, had left for another post, that we were handed out mimeographed service leaflets which introduced the Lord's Prayer thus...

"And now as our Saviour Chris has taught us, we are bold to say..."

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In a recently published book, Champions of Faith: Catholic Sports Heroes Tell Their Stories (Sheed & Ward, Franklin, Wis.) one of the chapters is devoted to Chicago Cubs' slugger Sammy Sosa. His friendships with the late Cardinal O'Connor of New York and Cardinal Nicholas Lopez-Rodriguez of the Dominican Republic are cited, and he is quoted as saying, "My Catholic faith helps me to believe in God." Yet it was not long ago when TLC reported that the well-known Cub was baptized in an Episcopal Church in Chicago. Confusing? Yes it is.

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Continuing the license-late watch: I have observed REVIVAL, JEZUS 5, DEUT6 49, AMEN 5 and HE IS NR. Kenneth Kerr, of Raleigh, N.C., spotted GOD NOZ, and Sue Joys, of Valparaiso, Ind., saw YEA RITE1.

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Note to C.P.P. in Montgomery County, Md.: Just because TLC includes a story about the Anglican Mission in America (AMiA) in its news section doesn't mean TLC supports the AMiA.

David Kalvelage, executive editor