It is difficult for some single people to experience that message as, nearing the end of the 20th century, little effort has been made to evangelize and minister with single adults through the Episcopal Church.

About 48 percent of the population of the United States over the age of 25 is now single. That figure is projected by futurists to reach 52 percent by the year 2000. In the 1980 census, the average age for first marriage was 21-23. By 1990, that figure had reached 271/2, including high school drop-outs. With a college-educated population, the figure nears 31.2. The fastest growing age group in the United States is post-80, many of whom are single. The divorce rate is holding steady. One out of every four Episcopal priests will be divorced, and 90 percent of their former spouses leave the church within the first year.

The good news is that 1 is a whole number. Single is not a dirty word. Single is not simply a transitional state or an ante-room to real life, to be moved through as swiftly as possible. Single is a norm in modern day society, with many issues and needs particular to singularity, as well as those held in common with coupled folk.

Often the church is unaware that it is not user friendly for single adults. And unaware that "single" is an intergenerational descriptor, spanning the post-school through post-retirement ages. Even more sadly, unaware that when the church becomes aware, it is first about theology, and then about program.

In a large urban parish, the rector was informed that the church was discriminating against single people. Shocked by accusation from a generous pledger, he asked the basis of her comment. "Whenever there is an event, it's advertised as 'Families $10.00; single admission $7.50'." The rector and vestry so took the message to heart that when approached by Presbyterian neighbors to co-sponsor an event with such pricing, the leaders quickly responded that they could only do it if there was equality in ticket costs.

In another town, a single female, university professor by vocation, told a senior clergyperson that she simply could not walk in the rector's forum on Sunday morning. "Whatever the true demographics," she said, "it feels intensely coupled - and I feel completely out of place." "Oh, you shouldn't feel that way!" was the response. "I told him that there were no shoulds to feelings - I felt what I felt. And, I added that if clergy knew what it felt like to the unmarried when so many sermon examples, church bulletins and discussions are family-oriented, or use examples from married life, it would help."

A theology concerning single adults is more about the passive acceptance in churches. It is a theology of inclusiveness that recognizes that intentionality and special ministry are important to many different populations and personalities. All too often the single adults who are consulted are, by virtue of outgoing personality, security of position and familiarity, already integrated into local parishes and organizations, and unaware that few single newcomers, or those in recovery after being divorced or widowed, are able to find that involvement without special entry points and interests relevant to their lives.

"But we don't believe in sub-group ministries," is an oft-heard rationalization offered by parishes. Yet, left to their own devices, people group. They create sub-groups or mini-communities of their own, because it is easier to build real community and caring in a group of 10-20 than in a group of 75-100. Sub-groups are a fact of life, and a fact of church life. Youth groups, women's groups, men's groups, music groups, Christian education groups attest to the fact. Statistics point to a major sub-group without intentional ministry in the Episcopal Church - a sub-group of society waiting to be churched. Needing a church which has some idea how to look at what it means to be a singular Christian in a coupled world.

Ministry with single adults must become a norm for the Episcopal Church if it is to hope to speak to at least half of the population of the United States in the coming years. That ministry may take the form of a diocesan, cathedral or corporate parish-based ministry which offers its resources to smaller, local congregations which cannot afford a special staff position, or which might have a scattering of single adults spanning several age groups. It also may take the form of awareness, training and intentionality on the part of rector and staff, who attend to inclusive language in publications, preachings and offerings; who know local and diocesan resources and make them known to newcomers.

Ministry with single adults recognizes that the singular state is a normal state. Ministry with single adults assures that a newcomer to town sifting through the religion pages of a newspaper will find singles' Sunday school class listed alongside youth group; a recently divorced man or woman will see resources for recovery and friendship listed in the parish bulletin; a 27-year-old seeking guidance for her personal and spiritual development will know that she does not have to wait until married or middle-aged for prayer and discussion on issues pertinent to living single longer than any other "younger generation" before this time.

At Boston's Trinity Church, Copley Square, the Rev. Dean Wolfe's staff portfolio includes liaison with Trinity Spirit, the social-educational group for single adults. Each Sunday following the 11 o'clock service, persons who wind their way down the steps to coffee hour can find a friendly group of Trinity Spiriters ready to welcome them to the next event - or perhaps an informal brunch at a nearby restaurant when the coffee hour winds down.

Complaints from parishes which claim to have tried single adult ministry and found it unsuccessful tend to center around turn-over of lay leaders, who may burn out, get married or be transformed from the area. Closer exploration may reveal:

• married leaders without understanding of the issues;
• need-based lay leadership with the ultimate purpose of finding a date or mate;
• no accountability to rector and/or staff;
• the feel of a separate and non-integrated social program;
• lack of training for leaders; and
• lack of funding in the church budget.

"Contrary to popular opinion, God loves singles, too."

"The Episcopal Church welcomes you," the familiar blue and white sign reads. If you were single or suddenly single again, would you experience that welcome in the parish nearest you?

If the answer is no, it's time to act. Roughly one-half of the population of the United Sates over the age of 25 is waiting for our welcome, in God's name. o

Kay Collier-Slone is the founder-director of Solo Flight, a ministry serving single adults. She resides in Lexington, Ky.