The Episcopal Church appears to give short shrift to single parents. No national office addresses their needs, apparently no province or diocese has such a commission or committee. Very few parishes of any size program small groups aimed in their direction. There is no Episcopal Parents Without Partners.

Many dioceses support counseling centers where single parents may seek assistance. Maureen Kelly said St. James' Counseling Center in Chicago, for example, offers help to individuals and couples. The Parent and Child Learning Center, in Topeka, Kan., provides infant care while mothers complete their education.

Some clergy and lay staff persons, questioned about the existence of specific ministries for single parents, noted no such need. "They melt right in," said the Rev. George Choyce, assistant at Calvary Church, Pittsburgh, Pa. "We're an urban church with all kinds of people. We don't divide into categories. They're simply one of us." Yet psychologists and social workers in several diocesan counseling centers spoke eloquently of the singular problems experienced by separated, divorced and widowed parents within the church, as well as in larger society.

Single parents often report a feeling of being perceived as incomplete, particularly in small-to-medium-sized, family-oriented, suburban parishes. Even in this era when divorce is reasonably common and unmarried persons are known to adopt or give birth, "children plus mother or father" is not always a definition of "a family." The unasked question seems to hang in the air: "And does your (husband/wife) attend, too?" The single parent, intentionally or not, may be made to feel guilty, rather than appreciated, in being part of the church.

"Nuclear-family parishes may make single parents uncomfortable," said a therapist in the Diocese of Albany. "They often feel isolated, disillusioned." Then, too, he said, "widowed versus divorced - there is a different weight. It still happens. Divorce scares people."

Mac Gentile, a lay leader at Christ Church, Greenville, S.C., said of a parish retreat, "It was 100 percent families attending. Singles would have felt out of place." He sees few singles at services. "I don't know where they go to church." Many may just feel left out, he suggested.

One single mother, who had been a parish organist/choirmaster, said a particular vicar seemed to have appointed himself matchmaker. "I often came with a male friend, a cradle Episcopalian just returning to the church. Father attempted to make us a couple, even though he knew the man was gay, in a long-term relationship." Both people fled the parish.

A Florida clergyman-counselor said that while members of a congregation may be sympathetic, it may be that acceptance, tolerance, "does not translate into active help." In a way, he said, it's much like our treatment of mentally ill individuals: We are frightened of them.

He cited special problems faced by single parents. "I know a father with three kids. The girl is just entering puberty. He needs a woman's help for her. How does he find other singles, men and women?" On the flip side, a woman raising a son may lack a trusted male confidant for him. Another area in which help is often needed is in balancing work and child care, with perhaps no extended family nearby and diminished funds.

One large Southern church formerly was host to a group which was "mostly social, no study stuff," a place to belong and build friendships. The group is inactive - and the parish is in the process of finding a new rector. A lay spokesperson said, "We need an organized singles' ministry. The church is very family-oriented with lots of activities. Some singles feel intimidated." A priest on staff voiced a similar opinion: "We have youth ministers, up through the 20s. There is a void." In many parishes, there are Bible study groups and social groups for couples, seniors, young adults - there is a void.

Models for singles' ministry exist in other churches. Many Baptist and Presbyterian churches have "dedicated Sunday school classes" for "single and single again" adults. Non-denominational mega-churches devote large segments of program to this growing group. The Roman Catholic Church has active "Always Single, Separated/Divorced, Widowed Ministry" in many dioceses, often under the Adult and Family Ministries umbrella. Activities include "study stuff," discussions on coping and healing for both parents and children, and social activities for adults, children and single-parent families. One program, the New Horizons Weekend, is offered several times yearly for divorced individuals, Catholic or non-Catholic, at nearby retreat centers. It is an intense, emotional, immensely healing activity which gives participants the chance to relive, analyze and close the dissolution of their marriages. The North American Conference of Separated and Divorced Catholics was founded in 1976.

And, of course, there are some shining examples of support and concern by individual Episcopal churches and dioceses. St. Peter's Church in Tunkhannock, Pa., sponsors a "mommy camp" weekend at Camp Lackawanna. Held in November since 1991, it is offered free of charge - and free of work - to moms and grandmoms throughout the community. The parish newsletter description is attractive: "Moms walk, play, think, smell the flowers and have conversations with other moms about anything that comes to mind. It is a time for attending to one's own needs for a whole weekend." By definition no distinctions are made here as to marital status, but single mothers might find it more difficult to find, or afford, child care necessary to free them for a weekend. And many might feel guilty about "abandoning" children to take time for themselves, a frequently mentioned problem for single parents.

Jeff Lake of Indianapolis has raised his daughter alone since she was 3 years old. "Indiana is pretty conservative," he said. "Some people said, 'How can you take a child from her mother?' It was a struggle." As Angelique grew up, her plaint became, "You don't understand what's it's like to be a girl!" Episcopal Singles, he said, is not presently active. "It was conceived by people who weren't single." The attitude, he said, was "Why do they need a club?" Married people "are the 'normal' people. We need activities for singles and their families."

Just after his divorce, Mr. Lake literally "picked the Episcopal Church out of the phone book. It was the only church I'd never been in. The priests were very nurturing to me when I felt alone." His daughter, until she went away to college, was active in the youth group. It was a household rule, he said, that "church was just as important as school. She told me later she was glad I made her attend."

At the Diocese of Pittsburgh's Calvary Camp, the final weekend of the season is Parents' Weekend for singles and their children. Cheryl Patterson, who has attended six sessions, said, "With all single parents, there was no 'odd man out.' We bring the kids, but we're not always together. We always knew they were safe." Mary Jo Masciotra and her 16-year-old daughter Bree attended for several years and now would like to volunteer at the camp, "to give something back." Ms. Masciotra said she was "in dire need after an abusive relationship. Anyone coming with a chip on [his or her] shoulder will leave feeling better. There is so much love! It was there when I needed it."

And that is, perhaps, the ideal: There when needed. A priest/therapist said, "I'd like to be able to refer people to a group within the church. They need a context to carry on their lives.

"It's a very daunting issue, and it cries out to be addressed."