The Rev. Hugh Magers [TLC, March 12] is emerging as one of the best wits of the Episcopal Church. Fr. Magers, who recently left a 10-year career at the Episcopal Church Center in New York City as executive officer of stewardship, then evangelism, is now interim rector of St. Andrew's Church, Fort Worth. He spoke recently to the diocesan council of the Diocese of Dallas and unloaded a few gems about his experience in New York:

l "We (the church center staff) were always about 18 months behind the curve. The good things are happening on the edge, not in New York. We hear about good things and respond to them about 18 months after they happen."

l "... let me say that the national church is not populated by evil people dedicated to undermining the traditional teachings of the Episcopal Church. They are mostly good people simply trying to cope. The problem is that too many of them are universalists. They have a sentimental, mawkish view of religion wherein everybody is going to heaven and there is no need to respond to God's grace."

l "... I would not be afraid of the national church and its staff. The real scary place is the House of Bishops."

l On the Diocese of West Texas: "... the bishop holds his clergy accountable for growth. This can be unsettling to many clergy who prefer their bishops to be warm and fuzzy. But he has abandoned warm and fuzzy."

l On the Diocese of Fort Worth: "...they are going to establish a diocesan center. They've been hiding out in a bank building for a long time, and many parishioners do not like the image of the diocese in a bank."

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When she addressed the annual council of the Diocese of Mississippi, the Rt. Rev. Geralyn Wolf, Bishop of Rhode Island, told this amusing tale:

"When I was the very new dean of Christ Church Cathedral, Louisville, Ky., and after everyone had gone home for the day, I answered the telephone. 'Hello, Christ Church Cathedral,' I said. 'Yes, I'd like to speak to the new dean, please, Stephen Wolf.' I responded in a gentle voice, 'Oh, the new dean is named Gerry Wolf.' 'No,' she said, 'the new dean is Stephen Wolf.' Somewhat cautiously, I repeated, 'I'm sorry, but the new dean's name is Geralyn Wolf.' Highly charged, she responded, 'Don't tell me who the new dean is. My parents were baptized in that church.' I took a message."

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Messages observed on church websites:

Trinity, Sutter Creek, Calif.: "Only Christians may read this page ... violators will be baptized."

Good Shepherd, West Lafayette, Ind.: "... home to Presbyterians interested in liturgy, Roman Catholic women mad at the pope, Methodists who prefer wine to grape juice, a few pagans, and even some Episcopalians."

St. Paul's, Sacramento, Calif.: "All of the ritual, none of the guilt."

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Observed on a Milwaukee television station during a recent April snowstorm: "St. Aloysius Church, Stations of the Cross canceled. Fish fry still on."

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Recent license-plate spottings: HEISWME, THANKGOD and PSLM27 4. The Ven. John Park, archdeacon of Honduras, saw PSLM 31 while in California. TLC staffer Pat Nakamura spotted ONR2HIM and BLVNHIM. Joseph Gamble of Birmingham, Ala., reports SERV GOD, and Robert B. MacDonald, of Brant Beach, N.J., saw SARUM 47.

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Note to "Mr. M." in Minneapolis: Yes, people really do write comments like the ones you saw [TLC, April 9]. Some of them, especially on e-mail, can get a bit foul.

David Kalvelage, executive editor