Help for Romney
Diocesan Press Service. March 11, 1963 [VIII-8]
NEW YORK, --- The Rt. Rev. Richard S. Emrich, Bishop of the Diocese of Michigan, recently gave Governor George Romney some friendly advice. The Bishop's informal "pastoral" appeared in his regular column for the Detroit News.
It seems the Governor was having a hard time getting rid of loquacious visitors.
The Bishop suggested the employment of professional bouncers, a movable rug that automatically whisks chair and visitor through the door, or an electric burner judiciously installed that would bring the talker to his feet in an attitude of leave-taking.
But the Bishop's final proposal must be quoted directly:
"My fourth suggestion comes from having been bishop of a large diocese for over 15 years. It is occasionally true that the best of clergy sometimes lack terminal facilities. One clergyman used to control the length of his sermon by sucking a Cepacol tablet which lasted approximately 20 minutes. One day he preached for 45 minutes before realizing that he was sucking a button. This incident is mentioned merely to show that this column has had some experience with the problem before us. The governor must face the fact that trying to confine some people to five minutes is like trying to slam an air-door. It can't be done.
"The best suggestion for confining a sermon to 20 minutes came from two talented laymen who invented a pulpit which at the end of 20 minutes simply disappeared through the floor. It worked on the same principle as the theatre orchestra which simply disappeared on a descending platform. It struck me as an excellent idea which could be used also in the Senate, at luncheon clubs, and would be a blessing at large dinners. The pulpit, podium, or the visitor's chair in the governor's office would simply disappear with the speaker waving his arms and making his second point.
"The governor should be warned, however, that none of these methods is foolproof. When it comes to politics, most people are simply warning up their throats at the end of five minutes. And then there are people who, like Adlai Stevenson's aunt, never know what they think until they have heard what they said. "