Help-Wanted
Diocesan Press Service. May 6, 1964 [XXI-2]
Recently our mail basket received a long want ad from Bishop Vockler of Polynesia. The highlights follow!
An old, large, world-wide organization has a large number of unusual lifetime positions for men and women of talent and vision. These positions are generally with branches located in those parts of the world suffering from illiteracy, hunger, military coups, over-population, sub-standard housing, devil-worship, bloodshed and ignorance. Qualifications include abilities to mix with people, mix concrete, wade rivers, love one's neighbor, deliver babies, take meetings, digest questionable dishes, patch tires and human weakness and burn plenty of midnight oil. The salaries are guaranteed never to exceed one-third of those payed by normal governments or industry, and unlimited overtime is always available for no extra remuneration. There are, however, rewards almost never found in positions outside this organization: large draughts of the milk of human kindness, humble peeps into men's souls, glimpses of God's purpose and visions of the earthly paradise to come.
We would warn all persons allergic to ants, babies, beggars, cockroaches, curried crab, duplicators, humidity, itches, jungles, minority groups, mud, poverty, sweat, twisting and unmarried mothers to think twice. Bigots, egotists, the unforgiving and those suffering from racial prejudice need not apply. Also, those without a God-given sense of humor have little chance of success. If you want to apply, retire to some quiet spot daily for at least a month, telling God that you are available and asking his advice. When this is received, approach your parish priest, Bishop, the Overseas Department or the Bishop of the Diocese in which God has decided that you shall serve. The final closing date for applications is variously considered to be somewhere between the 1st of June, 1980 and the 31st of December 2856. All applications will be considered immediately. Hurry! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.